This is my most recent BonBon
It was written just in time to be included in the book BonBons and Treats to Nourish Your Spirit, which will be published during June.
This BonBon is also related to a whole series of T-shirts and mugs, that declare oneself to be unapologetic about something or other. See the T-shirts here, and the related mugs here.
The Exalted State of Becoming Unapologetic
A BonBon
This is not the ego-driven, in-your-face version of being unapologetic. It is not the assertive form of telling people not to argue with you. You’re right, so there!
Becoming unapologetic as an exalted state entails moving away from having been apologetic, of cringing, and backtracking. Of having been shamed or ridiculed. But no more.
It is a culmination of a long, uphill, forlorn road where you haven’t been on your own side.
You’ve been apologizing, appeasing, and shrinking back about some behavior or personality trait of yours for a long time. The specific activity is probably not a big deal in itself (lots of people do it). Like day dreaming, being an eager beaver, or a foodie (whatever).
But it has invited criticism or being “teased” on a regular basis. And it’s now a tender spot, where you feel self-consciousness and ashamed. So you avoid it, try to minimize it, or hope that nobody will bring it up. But it keeps coming up, making you feel even more apologetic for the umpteenth time.
Or you could be the culprit yourself, whereby you treat some mannerism or behavior as a lapse. Those self-inflicted criticisms or put-downs become a steady refrain of not being good enough.
Internal or external, those jabs are belittling. They are not minor, for they steal your vitality and focus. Little by little, they rob you of energy and confidence.
Accept that long-standing point of embarrassment unflinchingly and without apology. Embrace the side of yourself that suffered so deeply from those jabs and taunts. Let the self-acceptance flow, along with the knowledge you’re not wrong to feel or act that way.
Turn away from the shame you’ve felt about whatever it is. Accept that it’s OK. You’re OK. More than OK! This is a moment of reconciliation—without denial, without justification, and without blame. It has no place for self-righteousness—only self-acceptance and happiness. You’re on your own side the healthy and loving way. And it’s about time!
Rejoice! When you can embrace, without reservation, what you’ve been apologizing about, you’ll discover how being unapologetic is an exalted state indeed.
See the BonBon, “Clumsy Is Glorious” in which I finally embrace the truth that had been denied so long—I’m clumsy.